


should have stayed in bed

by Raja_Myna



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: (according to robb jon and theon anyway), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Horror, Humor, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-08 06:51:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15925145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raja_Myna/pseuds/Raja_Myna
Summary: Jon has an absolutely awful morning. Robb makes it worse.“My… my parents –”Oh, gods.“Are they all right?” asks Jon immediately. Gods, if anything’s happened to Uncle Ned and Aunt Catelyn…“They…” tries Robb, “they…”Theon interrupts, rolling his eyes. “I think he found an open box of condoms or something,”Jon chokes. Robb makes a sound like a dying rubber duck.





	should have stayed in bed

**Author's Note:**

> So I was browsing around on the asoiaf kink meme over on lj, and found... this: https://asoiafkinkmeme.livejournal.com/22142.html?thread=14475134#t14475134
> 
> I couldn't help it, okay?

Jon knows it’s going to be _one of those days_ as soon as he wakes up with Balerion’s weight crushing his chest and sharp claws digging into him. Rhaenys’ stupid cat refuses to budge and, reluctant to risk hurting his sister’s old beast, Jon ends up having to be rescued by Aegon.

Fortunately Aegon only laughs at him a little.

The morning immediately gets worse from there. He stubs his toe trying to push past Aegon on his way out of the room and then nearly stumbles on the threshold to the bathroom.

“Maybe you should let me carry you,” offers Aegon. Jon slams the door in his face.

Turning on the shower gets Jon doused in ice cold water. He dials the heat back up, biting back curses and proceeds to get shampoo in his eyes – both of them – before he’s done.

Usually Jon would be ready to declare defeat and go back to bed. His warm, soft, inviting bed where the only danger is getting crushed by a cat. But it’s a school day so he heads downstairs for breakfast instead.

He trips down the stairs, of course. He hasn’t done that since his last growth spurt, but why not. It seems to be the day for that.

“Should have let me carry you,” calls Aegon, sing-songing.

“Fuck you too,” says Jon calmly, in the same tone.

“Boys,” says Elia, not looking up from her crossword.

Rhaenys laughs. “Just hurry up, you’re not getting a ride if you’re late.”

Which leads to Jon choking on his toast as he tries to eat faster. He can’t be late, if he is Slynt will have his head – or Thorne, if Slynt somehow doesn’t. Given the way the world seems to hate him today, Jon wouldn’t be surprised should Thorne grab that decorative sword on his office wall and try to do it literally rather than figuratively.

Elia thwacks Jon’s back and pours him a glass of water, still focusing on her crossword.

“Thanks, ma,” chokes Jon as soon as he has his breath back.

”Don’t mention it.”

It’s at that point Lyanna walks into the kitchen, hair messed from sleep. “Morning, all,” says she before her eyes lock on Jon. “Don’t you need to get going soon?”

Jon empties his glass before answering. “Yeah?”

“So shouldn’t you get dressed?”

Jon looks down and realises that yes, he’s only wearing underwear.

“Be nice,” says Aegon. “He’s having a tough morning.”

“It’d be a lot tougher if he walked into school like that.”

“I’d actually like to see Thorne’s face if he did.”

In moments like this, it’s hard for Jon to remember why he loves his siblings. Instead of strangling them both like he wants to however, he just gets himself ready and packed away into the back seat of Rhaenys’ car.

The ride to school is miraculously without incidents. Of course, the world gets its revenge as soon as Jon steps out of the car and sees his cousin.

For a moment, Jon is _angry_. He’s had an absolutely shitty morning and wants nothing more than to complain to someone – and that someone was going to be Robb, because they’ve always complained to each other. But Robb sits there on a bench looking like his world’s been shattered and Theon Greyjoy’s arm awkwardly draped around his shoulders is the only thing holding him together. Jon’s not going to be able to vent right now.

The following moment Jon’s ashamed of his anger. Robb puts up a strong front, he always has, so anything that can rattle him like this has to be bad. Jon’s own troubles, while annoying, likely hasn’t got anything on whatever it is that has disturbed Robb.

“Heya, Snow,” greets Theon as Jon approaches them, leaving Aegon to his own friends. Theon looks a little awkward, a little amused and more than little exasperated, so maybe it’s not that bad after all.

“Greyjoy,” answers Jon.

Robb looks up. His face twitches and he swallows carefully. “Jon,” his voice is choked and his face twitches while something flashes in his eyes.

Jon sits down on Robb’s other side. “Has something happened?”

What little colour there had been on Robb’s face fled. His eyes are glassy and his gaze fixed on empty air as he chokes out, “My… my parents –”

Oh, gods.

“Are they all right?” asks Jon immediately. Gods, if anything’s happened to Uncle Ned and Aunt Catelyn…

“They…” tries Robb, “they…”

Theon interrupts, rolling his eyes. “I think he found an open box of condoms or something,”

Jon chokes. Robb makes a sound like a dying rubber duck.

Well. That’s… okay, Jon can understand why Robb might be a little traumatised. The realisation that your parents are still having sex is one that Jon himself has had to wrestle with in the past. But Robb is shaking his head.

“Not… that’s not…”

“Then what?” says Theon, abrasive tone at odds with the gentle tightening of his arm around Robb’s shoulder. “Did you walk in on them or something?”

“I wish I had,” cries Robb and both Jon and Theon flinch back from the sudden eruption.

“Something worse, then?” asks Jon, but he’s not even sure he wants to know.

“They…” starts Robb again, then he swallows and changes track. “Remember that blog Theon found a couple of months back? _That_ blog?”

“Yeah, what about…” Jon trails off as something clicks. Something so completely awful, so utterly horrifying that he immediately wants to wash his mind with bleach. He whispers, “No.”

“Yes,” answers Robb, in the same whisper.

“Wait, what about the porn blog –?”

Robb’s hoarse whimper cuts Theon off, “It’s them,” and the same horrified understanding creeps upon the older boy’s face.

Jon is shaking his head as though that will rid him of the images. The sexy, sexy images of a man with dark hair and a woman with red, faces artfully obscured as their nude bodies entwined in passionate embraces. The images he’s jerked off to on more occasions than he’s willing to admit. The images of his aunt and uncle –

No. No way. Jon cuts that train of thought off right there. _Right there_. From this moment on, that is forbidden territory in his brain.

The sound Theon makes most resembles a choking feral cat rather than a human, but it’s obscured by the bell. It takes the three of them some time to actually get to their feet and head to the entrance. Jon looks longingly toward the spot on the pavement where Rhaenys had dropped him and Aegon off. He should have stayed in bed this morning, Slynt and Thorne be damned.

Maybe Jon should stay out here though. That way he’ll be dragged into Thorne’s office, and if Jon’s lucky, maybe the man _will_ grab that sword of his and chop Jon’s head off. Or at least stab him a couple of times.

Faced with this horrible revelation, the prospect of bleeding out on the floor of Alliser Thorne’s office doesn’t seem all that bad.


End file.
